Cosum-ee Hawks

long, long, long, loooooong DAY! i dropped my keys in the deep end of the pool. i tripped and almost killed mister monroe. GNARLY LOCS! at lunch i was at the quad spinning in circles round and round singing about ponies. then photo lab came and it was such a disaster! ugh...my vice president thought he was cute so i followed him around for ten minutes yelling, "yeah squidward, yeah squidward!" haha and laughing like spongebob. and now i can hardly keep my eyes open. mimi time! time to dream with kuromi! haha! EBBY has been replaced! purrrrrr!

School and the Fool

ugh! morning is here and i couldn't catch a wink...damn! did i use the wrong bait? i have less then an hour before i head off to school. yay me! a long day ahead of me without any sleep! yikes, how will i function? who knows? all i know is i'll be around till about noon then ms. cranky pants will take over for your discomfort and moodiness. yeah i feel sorry for ya'll. head for the hills when rainbows and ponies start turning into-well you know, non-pretty things. so i'll try and relax and write out a list on thoughts and ponderings to bring up during our first counsel. such as our voting campaign for..... and why orange and blue? hawks? eeeew. who wants to be a bird. all creepy, beaky, feathery and ever so squawky...why Why WHY? i hate birds! ugh! its time to go to school!

Hate in My Heart

A very handsome british man once told me, "If you hate someone, they're not worth knowing that you do..."I know he's right but how do I feel about the advice he gave me? Well let's just say Hate is all my heart knows these days. I know his wise words were just trying to protect me and keep my heart from going black. I know of his good intentions even though my pride didn't let my heart fight back. So here I am today, a five foot smiling statue on the outside, though nothing but polverized ruins on the inside. Everyone I see might think I'm okay because I fight myself to let anyone see what I've become. The pieces that are left of me tremble in anger wanting to reconstruct and fight back. Someday I will- but once something breaks no matter how much your try to mend it, it will never be the same.

Sleepless Night

When I was younger I never understood why parents were so cranky in the early morning. Guess now I understand a little. From early AM's to Late PM's and little yankers that barge into your room right when you've counted your last sheep,
"Nina I heard a noise."

So you rush the little yanker back to her room and get her settled back into bed thinking that the situation is under control. Or so you judged until you feel that you can walk no more- look down at your legs to find a three year-old, her arms tightly wrapped around your knees.
"Nina can I sleep with you tonight?"

Seeing as it's hard to say no to a face of pure Ivory, blue eyes and curly black locks, you start your journey down the hall to your room. Not knowing of the sleepless night that is yet to come.

After an hour of watching the ceiling and a few slaps in the face by tiny little hands. You're mind starts to wander and it's not sleep you think about anymore. You start to think about that one person who sits somewhere in the middle of Iraq. Surrounded in a sea of red sand and unbearable heat. Wondering if this one person, in his moments of silence, finds himself thinking of his unborn child. Wondering if he finds himself thinking of what the future might hold for the both of them. That's when you feel the tears stream down your face, and you know that you've come across the most sensitive topic of all. Knowing that he sits thousands of miles away not knowing of all the prayers and pleads you've recited night after night. Or of all the unsaid words and feelings you've held inside that rock back and forth in there own sea of lament. Not knowing of the knot in your throat, everytime you drive by an Army billboard or the backhand flips your tummy stunts each time you hear his name. You try and tell your self that you care just cause you carry his child. Even though deep down inside you fight that feeling, a feeling that only got stronger that night.

Now between the two, the gentlemen and damsel, there stands a child. Who knows not of mommies love or daddies fear. A child who not yet comprehends the meaning of his life or of the decisions that they dare make. Decisions that could then make or break his life. So withholding all my fears I closed my eyes and prayed:

Please God, watch over him. Send your invincible angels to Protect him with their wings. Help him overcome his fears. In his darkest times- Guide him and help him see the light. Bless him God with lots of love, strength and courage. May he come to be the man you want him to be. I understand in life we get what is meant for us, so If his Journey lead not to me- may his path not drift away from his child. Though if he does and I never see this man again. Be with him God and his life be full of happiness. For the days to come, even though he might never know, he'll always hold a special place in my heart and for the rest of my life- there he will always be. So from now and until the end of my life- God I pray for him.

Nieta de Chanchulo

I am Chanchulos Granddaughter and that's who I'll always be. Every time I'd visit San Agustin, I didn't have to bother to tell anyone my name cause all I had to say, " Soy la Nieta de Chanchulo"...And they'd smile back and say, "Si-she has to be his granddaughter, Look at her eyes! Aren't they very Pretty? And look at the color of her hair, she definitely takes after Chanchulos side." Which was true, I did take after my grandpas eyes and my hair was brown with a golden touch. Traits that I always thought made me look awkward, being blessed with tan skin and all. But I see now that's how everyone knew and I can still hear them whispering, "Ella es la Nieta de Chanchulo"?

R.I. P. Abuelito

Last night, I laid out my checkerboard one last time. Hoping my you would come over and play. So many memories that came to my head, " No papa, you be the black-I wanna be the reds?" I couldn't hold my tears and it made me wanna shout, "Please papa, come over and play! I swear this time you can be the reds." Remembering those times when I would conspire, try to find a way to somehow win the game. And I can here you say "Cheater, Tramposa!" Though it never really mattered cause you always won the game.

Papa please come over we can watch Cantiflas? Cause watching it without, just isn't the same. Who's gonna tell me not to marry that "Seserete", " Mija I am telling you he's gay?"
Abuelito please come back, I swear you can have my heart. I know sometimes my heart breaks easily, but I know you'll make it strong. I'd much rather die, knowing that you'll live. Everyone really needs you here and I'm just in the way. Abuelito Te quiero Mucho! You were my strength, my faith, my hope. Who's gonna believe in me, life without you just won't be the same. Remember that you promised me, you'd teach my kids how to ride a horse someday. Abuelito I'm gonna miss you! I just wish I would have been able to tell you one last time what I had been meaning to say. That I'm really proud of you and that I'm proud of the blood that runs in my veins?Cause I'll always be your granddaughter and I'll think about you everyday! I love you!